


Big Gay Light

by LilyInTheSnow



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Relationships, Bad Flirting, Brief description of an accident, Brief mention of Bucky’s death, But Bucky sees his body., Clint Needs a Hug, Crack Treated Seriously, Death, Death is a sap for Stucky, F/M, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Steve Rogers, He's not traumatized, It's all Bucky’s fault, It's not quite serious, M/M, Meet-Cute, More info in notes, Natasha is Death, Off Screen Death, Reapers, Sam and Steve are Reapers, So much bad flirting, The Dildo Scythe Strikes Back, and a matchmaker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-11-09 11:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11103423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyInTheSnow/pseuds/LilyInTheSnow
Summary: Bucky dies and flirts with the hot Reaper sent to take him Home. Maybe this dying thing wasn't so bad.See the notes at the beginning on why it's not tagged as major character death. Heed the dorky tags.Edit: I will be adding new chapters to this instead of making it a series. Little slice of life bits and such. Tags will be updated as needed.Chapter 2: Big Gay Reaper is up!





	1. BGL

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I got this from a meet cute prompt thingy on Tumblr. I tweaked it a little bit when writing it.
> 
> A was fatally wounded in an accident and suddenly finds themself looking down at their own lifeless body in confusion. B is a reaper and offers A guidance… but A doesn’t want to do the whole follow the light bullshit. A wants to flirt with the cute reaper.
> 
> Anyways so even though Bucky is dead he's still got a lot of life left in him. I didn't mark it as major character death because I mean...technically he still gets to live. Even if he's not "alive".

 

Bucky stared at the car accident in front of him. He was pretty sure that was his body draped over the hood of the car, lower half pinned between it and the bent up light post. Pretty sure that it was his fantastic (if he did say so himself) ass in his best pair of jeans that was between the bumper and the post and his sexy as hell silvery grey button up that somehow made his eyes look like steel. His fucking hair had been perfect too. And his boots. He’d loved those black leather combat boots. So much for that date. The poor guy probably thought he’d gotten stood up.

“That fucking horn is so fucking annoying!”

The driver was passed out in the car, head against the steering wheel and making the horn blare obnoxiously. Bucky wished it would stop. He had tried moving the guy off of it before he realized that he was dead. Or almost dead or having an out of body experience. Or whatever the fuck. Though he was almost certain he was dead. Otherwise he’d be in a fuck ton of pain right?

“These accidents are always hard.”

Bucky snorted thinking it was one of the gathering crowd that had spoken. “No shit?”

“No shit.”

He turned to the man next to him and nearly swallowed his tongue. Holy fucking shit dude was cute as hell. A few inches taller than Bucky was. Light sandy blonde hair cut in a vintage style. Blue eyes with little flecks of green. A nose that had totally been broken a couple times. Lips that were totally made he be wrapped around a cock and a jawline that could probably crack rocks. All of that pretty face was on top of 220 pounds of beefcake. Dude was stacked and wearing a pair of black slacks and a blue long sleeved button up. The sleeves were rolled up to his forearms and Bucky licked his lips. Fuck, the dude was fine.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

“You can see me?”

Sexy blonde dude nodded and Bucky frowned. “I’m really dead then, huh?” The blonde nodded again. “So…you’re psychic or?”

“Death. I’m here to take you home.”

Oh, that was perfect. Fuck it. He’d flirt with him. He was already dead so it was highly unlikely he’d get punched in the face, much less feel it. “Baby, you can take me anywhere.” He smirked, giving the blonde a slow onceover, his gaze lingering in a few key places.

Death spluttered and blushed and apparently choked on his own spit. He pounded on his own chest, glaring at Bucky when he grinned. So fucking cute that glare was. The way his eyebrows drew together and that little crease between them. The fierce pout on his lips that only made him look endearing instead of angry. He was like a mad Chihuahua only the size of a Saint Bernard.

“God you’re cute.”

“James.”

“Bucky.”

“Official paperwork says James.”

“Paperwork? Seriously?”

“We have to keep organized somehow.”

“Huh.” That was not expected. Organization? He figured they’d just pop in and back out whenever someone died. Who knew there was a schedule?

“Anyway,” Death said with another cute glare. “I’m here to take you ho…to your light.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Excuse me?”

Bucky inched closer to the hot blonde and reached up to play with the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. “I’m fine right where I am.”

“No. There’s repercussions. If you stay here you risk never reaching your light. You could become a wraith and no one could stop you. An angry violent spirit. Or you could be doomed to relive your death over and over again.” He looked scared all the sudden and Bucky frowned.

“You mean like that part on High Spirits where Liam Neeson chases that chick and kills her and it happens over and over again?” Well, that would suck balls. And not nicely like he bet the cute Death guy could either.

“I…don’t know what that is.” He looked so cute when he was confused. And Bucky’s line of questioning kept him distracted from the fact that he was still tracing his fingers over the collar of his shirt.

“Were you ever human?”

“A long time ago. I died. Can’t remember how. I could pull the paperwork but we’re not supposed to.”

“How long ago?”

“1945.”

“Oh, wow. That explains the hair.”

“What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Nothin’ dollface. It’s gorgeous. Just like the rest of you.”

Death blushed again pulling away from Bucky as if just realizing the brunette had still had ahold of his collar. “They should have sent Sam.”

“He hot too?”

“How would I know,” he yelled with wide eyes and a deepening blush. That blush was definitely going to injure him somehow. Death or not.

“You don’t like men?”

“No. I mean…yes. But…it’s complicated?”

“How is anything complicated when you’re already dead? I would think that would make things less complicated.”

“Well, it would if you’d go to your light!” Death pointed behind Bucky and the brunette turned to see his ‘light’ which was apparently an actual fucking light. Like the shit off of Ghost Whisperer. It was so bright it was nearly blinding. A beautiful white light that looked like it had little holographic sparkles in it. It warmed Bucky’s gay little heart to see the rainbow glitter floating through the light. He snorted out a laugh.

“Dude, my light’s gay.” Death groaned and at a slap of skin on skin Bucky knew he’d face palmed. Sweet. “So, how are things complicated, Death?”

“My name’s Steve actually.”

“You said you were Death.”

“I’m a Reaper.” He stepped beside Bucky, not even squinting at the bright light. Though Bucky figured he was used to seeing it.

“So, Death is the one that did that to me.” Bucky jerked his thumb over his shoulder toward where his body was. “And you’re the guy that’s supposed to pick me up and take me home with you where you’ll have your wicked way with me?” He grinned at the blonde when he choked on nothing. “Or where I’ll have my wicked way with you?”

“Yes. I mean no! I mean…damn it! Death did that, yes. I’m here to escort you to your light. To make sure you get where you need to be.”

“Uh huh.” Bucky turned back to Steve with another smirk then figured what the hell and grabbed his hips, pulling him flush against him. “And where I need to be now is on my knees in front of you.”

“No! Jesus.”

“On a bed?”

“Oh, God.”

“Now we’re talkin.”

“Shit.”

 

Death giggled shaking her head at her poor innocent Reaper. God, but Steve was so shy. So repressed! Yeah, she understood that things had been different in the 1920, 30’s, and 40’s when he’d lived. You couldn’t openly be of any sexuality but straight for fear of jail or being killed. But it had been 72 years since he’d died and the poor boy was still so closeted it physically hurt Natasha to see him so…repressed. He needed to get laid. He needed someone to open up to. Someone to be able to love him, damn it. He needed James Barnes. As soon as his name had been sent to her from Upstairs she’d known he was the one for Steve. If he flirted, badly she might add which made Steve’s blushes and awkwardness even more adorable, enough with Steve and got him to open up and realize it wasn’t wrong or bad to be anything other than straight she’d offer him a job as one of her Reapers so he could stay with him.

Death was a cruel mistress. But only toward the living. People were so miserable at times throughout their lives. She wanted them to be happy after she took those lives from them. They deserved nothing but happiness after the shit show that was life. Most of them anyway. There were a few that deserved to be as miserable as they had made others.

She grinned with another giggle when Steve yelped scrambling back from the flirty brunette.

“I feel bad for him.”

She shrugged one shoulder turning so she could see Sam and still keep an eye on Steve and James. “He just needs a push.”

“He needs to file a sexual harassment complaint is what he needs.”

Bucky had backed Steve up against a building and was talking in a low, quiet voice. Suddenly serious instead of the playful borderline harassment flirting.

“He’s fine, Sam. See? James Barnes is a good guy. And he’s so the complete opposite of Steve. He’s loud and brash and flamboyant and so gay it’s not funny. I mean, did you see his light? It’s got rainbow glitter. How much gayer can you get?”

“I saw it. And the entire thing could be one giant rainbow beam of light instead of just glittery.”

“Maybe if Steve says yes.”

“Yeah, like the Gods of Gay are going to appear to bless their union and make one Big Gay Light for them to walk into.”

“You don’t know they won’t!”

“Are there really Gods of Gay?”

Natasha only smirked turning back fully toward the two men who were still talking quietly. One of Steve’s hands rested tentatively on Bucky’s hip, the other pressed against his chest. Like he didn’t know whether to pull him closer or push him away.

“I just…you couldn’t be that way when I was growing up,” Steve murmured quietly.

“I know. I read about it when I was having my gay crisis.” Bucky smiled gently, his hand coming to rest on Steve’s hip. “I know things were bad back then. And were for a long time after. But it’s different now. Are their rules that say you can’t be gay even after you’re dead?”

“No. No, it’s…no one cares about the sexuality or gender of your partner.”

“Then why haven’t you ever dated anyone? Is it still dating if you’re dead?”

“Yes. And…I don’t know. I mean…after I died this is what I did. I Reap souls that need to cross over. I just…focused on that I guess instead of trying to find a boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For coming onto you so strongly. I just love the way you blush.”

“You’re still flirting.”

“I am.” Bucky grinned, rubbing his thumb over the jut of Steve’s hip, sliding his hand up to tug the fabric from the waist of his slacks. Steve shuddered, eyes dilating slightly when Bucky finally slid his hand under the soft fabric. “Do you want me to stop?” He would if Steve asked him to. He wasn’t a total asshole.

Steve smiled shyly and shook his head, hand twitching on Bucky’s hip. “No. It’s kinda nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bucky grinned inching even closer and smiled when Steve’s hand that rested on his chest twisted in his shirt. “So, what happens now?”

“You walk into your light.”

“No, I mean with us?”

“Oh. I don’t know.”

“Can I still see you after I cross over?”

“If you become a Reaper. If not you go to your own paradise.”

“My paradise?”

“Yeah. Some people’s it’s a garden surrounded by their loved ones that have already passed. Some people’s it’s a little ratty apartment where they were happy for the first time. It’s your happy place. Somewhere you’ll never be sad or lonely ever again. Never fear, never worry. It’s the ultimate place of contentment.”

“What if I don’t want that?”

“What do you want?”

“To spend time with you. I want to get to know you. To know what makes you laugh. What makes you smile. What makes you happy. What makes you sad. What makes you angry.” Bucky pressed himself even closer to the blonde, his lips barely brushing Steve’s as he spoke. “I want to know what makes those blue eyes brighten. What makes them darken with lust. I want to know how you’d sound when you’re inside me.” Steve whimpered hooking his leg around Bucky’s and spinning them, pressing the brunette against the wall, his knee automatically sliding between Bucky’s thighs.

“You’re still flirting.”

“Is it working?”

“Yeah.” Steve bit his bottom lip shyly then closed those few inches between them and pressed his lips to Bucky’s. It was awkward. Unpracticed. Lacking control or finesse, but with the way Bucky whimpered and clutched him even closer Steve decided that Bucky didn’t really care that Steve hadn’t kissed anyone since 1945.

Bucky spun them back around, trading places and pinning Steve’s hips to the wall with his own. Oh. That was nice. When Bucky slid his tongue between Steve’s lips and stroked his own Steve whimpered, hips pushing forward slightly, hands coming up to tangle in Bucky’s hair.

Natasha grinned and Sam rolled his eyes. Looked like James Barnes got a new job after all. And maybe Steve got a boyfriend. And if not a boyfriend then definitely a fuck buddy because the dude needed to get laid and it looked like it might happen on the sidewalk. Which, no. They needed to save that shit for later. It was so wrong what with the accident just down the block. Natasha was right though. Steve had been so very repressed.

“Should we go tell them to take a walk?” He motioned toward James’s light that was now flickering with even more color. Turning into the Big Gay Light Sam had snarked about earlier. “Holy shit.”

“Told you. Go home, Sam. I’ve got this.”

“Okay.” He was gone in the next second and Natasha walked over to James and Steve, tapping James on the shoulder. He jumped, spinning around to face her and stood between her and Steve like he was protecting him. Steve only blinked looking dazed.

Bucky looked at the petite redhead that looked far more dangerous than anyone else he’d ever seen in his life. Shit but she was scary. “Um…can I help you?”

She smiled serenely and while it should have been a sweet smile on her pretty face it only scared him more. “No. But I can help you.”

“Yeah? How?”

“You want to stay with him,” she asked nodding toward Steve.

“Yes.”

“Good you’ve got a job.” She held a hand out and he looked over his shoulder at Steve. The blonde nodded and Bucky turned back to and placed his hand in hers. He jolted with a yelp when it felt like fire flowing up his arm. It barely lasted more than a second and she smiled when she let go of his hand. “Go into your light. Take Steve with you. He’ll get you a welcome packet and get everything sorted. Welcome to Death Inc.”

“Seriously,” he laughed and she shrugged.

“We rebranded. The name got put up to a vote. Someone,” she narrowed her eyes at Steve, “ended a tied vote by voting for the most absurd name on the list.” Steve laughed and she grinned then disappeared.

“Wow, you’re a dork.”

“Yeah. We should go.” Bucky nodded slowly and let Steve take his hand, leading him toward his light. It was even brighter now. More rainbow colors than white at this point and he grinned.

“My light is so gay.”

“It fits you.”

“Yeah, it does.” He paused when they were inches away from stepping into the warm rainbow colored light and turned back to the scene of the accident. The driver had been pulled out of the car by EMTs and his body had been moved and covered with a sheet.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I’m sorry it ended like that.”

“Yeah. It…it’s fine. I never had much of a life anyway. Not one I wanted. My family’s been gone for a long time and it was just me. I think I’ve got something better now anyway.”

“Yeah?” Steve looked so unsure when Bucky looked back to him. He tilted his head up and gave him a gentle kiss.

“Yeah.” He smiled then took Steve’s hand and pulled him into the light.

***

Steve groaned and rolled his eyes when his boyfriend of six months waltzed into their apartment. Well, pranced more like. The brunette was wearing a classic Grim Reaper outfit and even carrying a scythe. The only thing wrong with it was the fact that A.) No one actually wore that outfit and B.) It was printed like a Pride flag and his scythe had a large rainbow striped dildo instead of a blade on the end of it.

“I regret so many of my life choices right now,” Steve groaned face palming. He did that a lot nowadays. He still loved Bucky enough to put up with him though.

“Aren’t they technically death choices? Besides, you love me.”

“I do.”

Bucky smiled, happier than he ever had when he’d been among the living, and threw himself on top of Steve.  “I love you too.” He gave him a quick smacking kiss then shoved the dildo in Steve’s face with an exaggerated eyebrow waggle. “Wanna touch my scythe?” Steve blushed and Bucky cackled like a maniac.

“You still can’t flirt for shit.”

“It got us here, didn’t it? You’re the dumbass that fell for it.”

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

“You said yes.”

“Oh, yeah. I did, didn’t I?”

“Yep.” Bucky wiggled the dildo, smacking Steve in the face with it and laughed. “You gonna touch my scythe or not?” Steve laughed and shoved Bucky off of him to the floor then rolled on top of him, pulling at his Pride robe.

“That’s not the one I wanna play with, Buck.”  



	2. BGR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s first Annual Review.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got a new chapter up. I spent a few days in hospital and then a few more at home recovering. I'm currently awaiting surgery now as well. Any future updates will be sporadic at best, so please subscribe to this or me as an author for updates.
> 
> I also dropped out of the Stucky Big Bang this year due to my health but I will still be posting the fic when it's finished so look for it later this year.

So the Reaping thing was working out fine. For the most part. Whenever Bucky was called out he changed his clothes to be more comfortable for whoever he was helping cross over. Most of the time it was jeans and a t-shirt. Sometimes it was slacks and a dress shirt. Other times, his favorite times, was when he got to be the Big Gay Reaper as people had started calling him. He was getting more and more popular with the other Reapers, almost always being sent on LGBT Reapings. There must have been something comforting about the rainbow outfit after all. He hardly ever had problems getting people to believe him. Except for one cynical drag queen he’d had to reap. They had tried to laugh him off until he’d shown them the light. Pink and sparkling, an almost silent hum of music coming from it. 

He had his favorite Grim Reaper outfit too. His Gay Reaper outfit that Steve thought was utterly ridiculous. Bucky fucking loved it.  
His hooded robe was printed like a Pride flag. Rainbow ribbon was woven around the handle of his scythe. Instead of a curved blade was an obscenely large rainbow striped dildo. (He liked slapping people in the face with it. Especially Steve because it didn’t matter how many times he did it, the blonde still blushed and stammered.) His sneakers even matched. They were rainbow printed with two inch light up platform soles and sparkly rainbow laces. He totally loved going to Pride parades even if no one would see him.

He also loved reaping the bigoted assholes in his Gay Reaper outfit too. He’d gotten his ass chewed by Death for it a couple times, but mostly she thought it was funny. They were going to be miserable fucks for their afterlife too, but only until they learned from their mistakes. Some people took longer than others. Some people never would. Bucky especially loved Reaping those assholes and slapping them in the face with his dildo scythe, watching them cringe in horror and disgust as a rainbow striped dick whacked them in the face. They deserved it. Death said so. And Bucky was perfectly fine dishing out a little bit of revenge if we could.  
He fucking loved his job.

Mostly he loved it because he got to spend the rest of his life, un-life? Death? with his perfect blonde boyfriend. Sure they had their spats when Bucky was being annoying and Steve only wanted to focus on his art on his days off. When Steve wanted Bucky to put away the scythe that was becoming more and more a permanent fixture in his hand. Much more than a cellphone ever had been. How gratifying was it to slap someone in the face with a rainbow dildo? VERY. But everyone had spats, right? Their relationship was awesome. Steve was awesome. Bucky was awesome. Make-up sex was hella awesome. Even if Steve refused to let Bucky use a dildo on him. And NOT the one he slapped people in the face with.

Could you imagine the germs on that thing? Yeck. Did the Dead have germs? Did their germs transfer over? Or did they stay with their bodies? Were there tiny germy Reapers? He’d have to ask Death. She’d either tell him or punch him, but either way it’d be fun. So much more fun than what he was doing now, which was waiting with Steve for his annual review.

It was Steve’s seventy-some-odd review but Bucky’s first. He’d been Reaping for a full year already. It was strange that so much had changed in so little time. Strange to think that this was the anniversary of his death and the anniversary of his and Steve’s relationship, honestly. Even if Steve would swear their anniversary wasn’t for another week. Bucky counted it from the day they met. Steve counted it from the day of their actual first date because ‘falling into bed and not leaving for an extended period of time didn’t count as dating’. It was totally dating. Bucky didn’t just fall into bed with whatever hot blonde he happened to see at any given time. Especially shy repressed ones like Steve had been. He was still shy sometimes, but he was definitely not repressed anymore.

Sam had given them a copy of a Kama Sutra book for gay couples and at first Steve had tried to throw it away because it was too embarrassing for him, but after Bucky had explained it to him and shown him how much closer it would bring them not only physically but emotionally Steve had given in and they had tried some of the less complicated positions after reading every chapter of the book. It had honestly helped their relationship more than it had just shown them positions. To be honest there weren’t very many positions in the book, but still. They’d tried practically all of them save a few that even Bucky wasn’t sure about.

“Barnes!” Bucky looked up at the terse voice and wondered how many times they had actually called his name before he’d noticed.

“Ready?”

“Ready for you to determine if I deserve to spend another year with Steve? Absolutely. It’s only my life on the line. Death? Afterlife? It really needs some clarification don’t you think?”

“Bucky!” Steve gasped, tightening his grip on Bucky’s hand. “Don’t antagonize him. He reports directly to Death.”

Yeah, Clint did report directly to Death and it wasn’t just because he was her second in command. He wondered if Steve knew.

Bucky shrugged to himself then leaned over to whisper in Steve’s ear. “It’s ‘cause they’re boning.”

“Buck!” Steve spluttered and Bucky giggled then kissed his cheek.

“Gotta go, babe. Love you.”

“I love you too, Buck. Please don’t get in trouble.”

Bucky stood and gave him a snappy salute and lascivious wink then followed Clint into his office. Clint motioned to a chair on the other side of his desk and Bucky fell into it dramatically. Clint only rolled blue eyes that were surrounded by the bruises from a broken nose that was covered with a bandage.

“Your girlfriend do that,” Bucky asked waving toward Clint’s face.

“Don’t have a girlfriend,” the blonde murmured picking up the carafe from a coffee maker and taking a swig from it.

Bucky grimaced. He liked coffee just fine. So long as it was loaded with cream and sugar and chocolate and whipped cream and sprinkles. Straight out of the pot? No, thank you. Blech.

“Well, who broke your face then?” And Bucky didn’t believe for a minute that Death and Clint weren’t dating. What if they were married instead? She wouldn’t be his girlfriend so he’d have been telling the truth. Huh. He’d see what Steve thought of his new conspiracy theory.

“Me. Trying to rescue a dog.”

“Um…up here? Or down there?” Clint was one of the select few that could become corporeal back on Earth.

“If a dog is here then it’s a little late for rescuing, Barnes.”

“I guess so.”

“Some dick was trying to fight a puppy. I rescued the puppy, but ran into the dickwad’s fist.”

“Ah. Okay. Makes sense.” Almost more than Death being mad at him and breaking his nose and blacking his eyes herself. Not that Bucky would ever put her past her to actually do it. She was still fucking terrifying.

Clint nodded shuffling through the stacks and folders of papers on his desk until he unearthed a rainbow striped file folder.

“That mine,” Buck asked even though he already knew it was his.

“Who else’s would this be? There’s no one quite like you, Barnes.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a compliment.”

“Oh.” What the hell? Was Bucky going to have to let karma handle this one since it was his first review? Or could he handle it on his own? Seconds later Clint knocked his coffee of the desk with his elbow, dropped Bucky’s folder, and banged his forehead on the desk when he flung himself after the folder to keep the papers from getting soaked in his coffee. Bucky snorted, trying to hold in a laugh when Clint whined about his coffee. Thank you, karma. Clint banged his head on his desk as he crawled up from the floor and Bucky ducked his head with a grin. That was amazing.

“Okay, here’s the deal. We’re just going to go over some of your Reapings and see if there’s anything that needs changing, if everything is fine like it is, or if you need to be transferred.”

“What happens if I get transferred? Will I have to leave? I mean, Steve’s here and…”

“Normally, yes.”

“But?”

“But for some reason that I can’t figure out Death has an emotion about you and Steve being together. So pretty much the worst thing that could happen is you get put on probation for a little while.”

“Why even do the review?”

“She’d flip her lid if we didn’t. Everyone has a yearly review. Even me.”

“But you two are…” He trailed off; he didn’t want Clint to give Death a reason to suspend him. He did actually like his job and not just because it enabled him to be with Steve.

“We two are what?”

“Aren’t you two like…” Bucky made a vague hand wavy gesture and Clint rolled his eyes. “Boning?”

Clint snorted, mumbling under his breath then flipped the folder open and picked up a remote, pointing it at a small black box on one wall. The box flickered and then Bucky turned to the far wall to see that it was projecting a video on the empty wall. The lights turned off and Bucky bit his lip with a giggle when he saw himself at his very first Reaping on his own. Steve or Sam had been with him during his first few, so they weren’t here, but his first one on his own was nearly a fucking disaster.

The old woman had been an atheist but a kind one. She hadn’t forced her non-belief on any one and had always been kind and compassionate, telling everyone that since there was no god to be kind and help those in need it was everyone else’s jobs to do so. Bucky had adored the elderly woman immediately, but she’d refused to believe him and he’d had to channel his inner Jennifer Love Hewett and Ghost Whisper the shit out of the old lady. He’d finally shown her body to her and explained that Death wasn’t necessarily about God or Satan or any belief system really. (He definitely didn’t tell her that all the names on their lists came from Upstairs.) But Death was about being free. Being happy and not having to deal with any more bullshit. It took a while and ended in tears, but he’d finally managed to send her to her light after getting a tight hug and pinch on the ass from her.

The next video was a montage of Bucky whacking people in the face with his dildo scythe. He giggled when he realized he’d done it a lot more than what he thought he had. Clint was even laughing by the end of it and he figured that was a good thing. Especially the cackling at the Neo Nazi’s mortified expression when that rainbow striped dildo thwacked across his face leaving a red veiny imprint of it on his pale skin.

The montage ended there and changed to clips of Bucky at the many Pride parades he’d attended dressed in his robes and platform shoes with light up soles. The parades soon changed to more clips of him Reaping souls.

He thought he’d done a pretty good job considering it was only his first year. When the videos ended Clint turned the lights back on and turned back to Bucky’s file. He scribbled for a few minutes while Bucky got more and more nervous though tried not to show it. Who knew what Clint would do if he realized how nervous Bucky was. He’d probably transfer him or suspend him just to drive him crazy. Finally, when Bucky was thinking he was definitely getting transferred and having to leave Steve no matter what Clint had said, Clint dropped his pen and closed the folder.

“Well?”

Clint snorted. “You’re a mess, Barnes. I have a list longer than my arm of reasons you should be transferred.”

“But,” Buck asked when Clint only sighed.

“You’re good for Steve. He’s good for you, too. You need each other to balance the other out. You get to stay.”

“Yes!” Bucky fist pumped the air then rushed to Clint and gave him a hug. “Thanks! See you later!” He started to run out of the office to tell Steve but the door wouldn’t open.

“We’re not done yet, Barnes.”

“Oh. What is it?”

“Clean up your shit? Even just a little bit. Tone down the dildo stuff a little bit. It’s funny, but you do it more often than not anymore. Be more like Steve.”

“More calm and sweet and gentle and supportive, less flamboyant and less smacking people upside the head with the dildo scythe?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He shrugged. He might be able to pull it off. Probably. Maybe. He’d miss his scythe. Miss smacking people around with it. But maybe since Clint was letting him stay with Steve, he could let it go some. Maybe only use it every other LGBT case? Which would still be a lot because that included most of his cases. But what if they switched him around? What would he do then without his scythe?

Clint let him leave and he jumped on his boyfriend straddling his lap where he still sat on the bench. “I get to stay!”

“That’s great, baby.” Steve grinned and gave him a gentle kiss, well aware of Clint watching them through the open doorway.

“Yeah. Wanna go home and play with my scythe?” Clint groaned and Steve blushed. “I mean, it’s going into semi-retirement or they’re gonna transfer me so we should take advantage of it.”

Steve sighed looking over Bucky’s shoulder at Clint and he nodded, waving Steve and Bucky away. “Sure, whatever. Go celebrate. Come back in the morning.”

Clint watched the two giggling men run down the hall, one a flash of blonde hair, a blue checked shirt, and khakis. The other a flash of brunette hair and a rainbow striped shirt, black super skinny jeans, and light up sneakers. They were complete opposites but somehow they made it work. He really was happy for them.

Or maybe not so happy, he realized the next morning when both men sat in his office looking pitiful. Death sat at his desk and Clint stood behind her; both of them watching the video of Steve and Bucky playing with the scythe which was now in Death’s possession until further notice. Bucky coughed to cover a laugh when the video showed Steve jump out at Sam and whack him in the face with the dildo scythe then run away giggling and dragging Bucky behind him. Tony, the man responsible for Bucky’s toys and light-up shoes, was next. Bucky had snuck up on him while Steve had distracted him by asking him about some kind of electronic contraption the Inventor/Retired Reaper was working on and Bucky had swung the scythe perfectly, managing to shove the dildo in Tony’s mouth mid-word and making him choke on it. Wanda, bringing paperwork from Upstairs, had gotten the thing rested on her shoulder so when she turned her head all she would see was a monster dick with rainbow stripes. She’d slammed Bucky against the wall for that one with a flick of her hand and a streak of red.

Clint and Death had both gotten numerous reports of the two men attacking people with the scythe. It had gone on for hours. Clint himself had a black eye from Steve arcing the thing over his head to jab him in the eye while he was walking down the hallway to get to his apartment. Neither had been foolish to attack Death with it.

She was tapping her nails on the desk, watching the video end with little amusement. Clint had seen it dancing in her eyes a time or two, but Steve and Bucky hadn’t noticed. They’d been too pitiful to pay close attention to her.

“When Clint told you to be more like Steve, he didn’t mean corrupt him to make him more like you, James.”

“We were just playing. I was putting it in semi-retirement. I was going to go to work with Steve so I could be more like him. It was just one last hurrah with it.”

Death eyed him for a minute, scaring the shit out of him worse than he already had been, and then turned to his boyfriend. Her expression gave away nothing. “And Steve; I expect better from you.”

“Yes ma’am. I know.”

“You’re both suspended for two months. You will attend sensitivity training and sexual harassment prevention classes twice a week until I see that you’ve made improvements.”

“We don’t sexually harass anyone but each other,” Bucky yelled. Clint snorted out a laugh, Steve choked on his own spit, and Death glared at the brunette.

“Be that as it may, if I only let you off with a warning people will still be complaining. Saying that I’ve gone soft. As it is, if anyone else had done this they’d be fired and sent away. You’re lucky you’re only getting suspended and being sent to a couple classes.”

“Where do people go when they get fired,” Steve asked quietly.

“Downstairs.”

“ _Downstairs_ Downstairs? Or Earth Downstairs,” Bucky asked.

“Earth Downstairs.”

He and Steve both cringed. Neither of them wanted to be reborn. Not and have to live without each other. It may as well have been _Downstairs_ Downstairs to them.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Death nodded and Steve and Bucky stood.

“I really am disappointed in you, Steve,” she murmured walking them to the door of Clint’s office.

“I’m sorry.”

“I mean, if you’re going to swing it over someone’s head you have to put more power into it. Clint only has a slightly worse black eye than what he usually keeps. The monster on the end of that stick should have at least caused a couple stitches.” She grinned then shoved them out of Clint’s office while he sputtered behind her and Bucky giggled. She closed the door behind them then sat on the edge of Clint’s desk.

“I have gone soft, haven’t I?”

“Only for those two. You adore Steve and want him to be happy. He’s been so lonely for so long. You’d do anything to help him keep Bucky. Even if it means bending the rules.”

“Someone needs to look out for Steve. He’s always spent all his time looking out for everyone else. He needs someone looking out for him too. James can’t do that if he’s gone.”

“What if we send them back? Both of them?”

“And let them remember each other?” She shook her head slowly. “No, they’d be happier here.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to just be crack and somehow plot snuck in.¯\\_(ツ)_/ ¯


End file.
